


Silence

by tscwrites



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, just Lance being instrospective and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 17:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18197339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tscwrites/pseuds/tscwrites
Summary: There are different types of silences. Lance couldn't say he has experienced all of them but he has experienced quite a few. Some pleasant, some unpleasant and some neither or both.





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I was given the prompt 'Silence' this January and this has been lingering on my mind ever since then. I was finally able to put down everything that I wanted to into words so I hope you enjoy. It is rather grim as a whole but I tried to leave on a kinda positive note.

Being forced into a war greater than anyone ever deserved to be in, the paladins had all been forced to mature beyond their ages and experienced many different things.

The knowledge of the different types of silences was something that Lance had picked up due to his own unique experiences. It was most likely because he tended to think things over a lot whenever left alone. And, in space, it was easier to be left alone than one might think.  
-  
Not all silences that Lance had ever acknowledged were the absence of sound, but the _first_ one that he had noticed was. It was the lack of scolding as his parents looked at him disappointedly. It had been many years ago, due to some mischief he couldn't even remember now; the overwhelming shame and guilt he had felt at that time was what lingered in his mind. He'd promised himself then that he'd grow up into someone his parents would be proud of.

Sometimes these days, Lance wondered if they truly would be proud of him as he was now; there was blood on his hands that would never be made up by the fact that he had probably saved as many lives as he had taken.  
-  
The second silence that Lance could remember acknowledging was the quiet of his classmates whenever he did something that wasn't quite right. Like confidently shouting out a wrong answer or still being enthusiastic about small things in high school.

Maybe what he did was actually wrong and maybe it wasn't, but the uncomfortable sense of being out of place was one he associated with the quiet stares that followed him at times. Even now, he still felt trapped by the heavy judgement of staring eyes that accompanied them all wherever they went.  
-  
The first silence Lance had ever actually enjoyed after acknowledging was not a physical one-it was a mental one. When he played his music really loud on his headphones or was totally absorbed in a movie or book, his mind stopped thinking and overthinking and overwhelming him with thoughts. So, that mental calm was something he really treasured.

On the castle ship, the easiest way to get his thoughts to be silent was to recklessly train until he could barely stand up straight anymore. Before the space war, Lance had enjoyed exercising to clear his mind, but now it was tainted by the cold truth that if he didn't train, he would get himself killed. He dreamed of having a peaceful state of mind once more, but he didn't think it was possible.

After all, nobody was ever quite the same after having experienced war.  
-  
Another silence that Lance had treasured was the one where there weren't any distracting sounds in his immediate vicinity but they were there in the distance. He studied best when no person near him tried to catch his attention but he could still hear the sounds of people in the background (the clinging and clanging of pots and pans as someone worked in the kitchen, the sound of his nephew and niece playing, the laughter and jokes of his family talking in the lounge, the faraway sounds of traffic reassuring him that he wasn't alone in the world).  
Lance missed it. Space was cold and a vacuum that sound couldn't travel through. Whenever he was alone, the absolute silence that surrounded him felt like an unwanted, cold and heavy blanket he couldn't escape from.  
-  
There was also another unwanted silence that followed Lance often: the silence after they had an unsuccessful mission.

Successful missions always had a buzz of noise as the rescued people were provided with aid, as there was discussion on what had happened, as they all congratulated each other and made sure everyone was ok. Unsuccessful missions, though, had a grim silence full of anger and grief and frustration. The toxic negativity was widespread and obvious even in the most stoic of them.

Failure was not considered an option for a reason: the losses were too many, and every time they failed, the weight on their shoulders grew heavier, the pool of blood at their feet grew deeper and their screams at night grew louder and longer. It was amazing how much heartbreak a person was able to withstand, and it was crazy how they were somehow still able to go on.

Lance never would able to explain to anyone how they were able to survive at all. The odds had been stacked up so heavily against them.  
-  
The worst silence Lance had ever come across was one that told of death. He came across it far more times than he ever wanted to since the war began.

Before, his only experience with death was the news of distant relatives dying and the death of their old family cat. It had seemed heartbreaking at the time but the horrors he had seen since then had caused it to pale in comparison.

Silence had forewarned the death of him and his companions many times-it was some crazy streak of luck that none of them had died yet. He'd been witness to the death of countless lives, planets and even star systems. And there was a moment of silence that rang out as loud as the strongest sonic boom often before a fight and always after it: as if the universe itself was taking a second to mourn what it had lost.  
-  
The silence that Lance looked forward to hearing was his family's. They were all a loud family, so they were only collectively silent when something big happened. He fantasised and dreamed countless scenarios of his return home. But his favorites ones were the ones where he stepped onto Earth again with his family in front of him, silent in shock. And then his nephew and niece would shout his name and they would all start talking over each other as they raced towards him. And he would become enveloped by tears and hugs as he was embraced by the people he loved.

There was a high chance that the war could kill them before they reached home, so Lance also maintained a silence. A silence of fragile dreams that he dared not speak of-in case they were shattered just by an attempt to speak them into existence. So, Lance would fight as viciously as needed until he was able to go home alive.

Lance hoped that day would come soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on my Tumblr main @tsc-chillin or my writing blog @tscwrites!


End file.
